I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
