Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
