His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
