you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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