so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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