I accidentally burped into my bong.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
