is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
