so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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