"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
