It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
