i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
