your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
