you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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