no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
