So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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