Redeem this text for a blowjob
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
