Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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