There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
