I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
