He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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