Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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