I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
