Where is the hickey?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
