I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
