I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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