someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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