You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
