Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
