Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
