You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize