dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
