I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
