Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What a dumb baby whore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
