stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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