I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
