You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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