i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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