why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
