I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
