I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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