these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
