I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize