"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
