Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
