Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
