ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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