god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
