Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it because I queefed?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
