You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
