I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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