There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
