wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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