Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
