and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
