you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
