Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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