Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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