Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
