i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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