I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize