Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
