matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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