Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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