she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
