I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
