It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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