He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
