I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
