I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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