she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
