I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize