dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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