batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
