Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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