why didn't you poke me back
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
only if we run a train.
done.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
