so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sobbing to NWA
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize